Men are like fine wine

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it is our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

Space Saver

A friend of mine had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they would take up less room.

Mixed Up

Why do programmers always get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31

Mealtime

It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

Computer Training

HR Manager to job candidate: "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management,

Silver Lining

The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. "The only consolation I can find in these awful grades," lamented the father,

Instructions

Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Sam: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."

Salespeople Greeting

How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."

Difference in Forms

The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple.
If you use the short form, the government gets your money.

Glass of Water

There was a glass of water on the table...
One man says, "It's half full". He is an optimist.

Bald Eagle

How do you identify a bald eagle?
All his feathers are combed over to one side.

Worry Wart

"I'd give a thousand dollars to the man who would worry for me!"
"You're on. Now,

Recognition

The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, "I dont recognize this court!"
"Why?" asked the Judge.

Dark Dark

The girl walked into the dark, dark house through the dark, dark hall and down the dark, dark stairs to the dark, dark cellar where there was a dark,

Opposition

The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing,

Math Problem

Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"

Hundred Dollar Bill

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and honest lawyer, and an old drunk were walking along when they simultaneously spotted a hundred-dollar bill laying in the street. Who gets it?

A Great Singer

"What kind of music do you sing?"
"Aqua-pella."
"Don’t you mean ‘a cappella’, singing without instrumental accompaniment?"

Irish Answers

"Why do you Irish always answer a question with a question?" asked President Franklin D. Roosevelt.